Talking To The Moon

When I look up at the moon at night it amazes me that no matter what we all go through in our day to day lives, no matter how good or bad our day might have went, one thing remains that moon is still there when we lay our heads on our pillows at night to sleep. Yes, that’s right the same moon I’m looking at here in Colorado is the same beautiful moon that my family far away can take a glance at, knowing we are all under one moon safe, sound, alive and free.

Some have never had their freedom taken away or been in a position where they had their freedom jeopardized.  Whether it be in a hospital, a jail cell, or held against your will.  If you’ve ever been in a position to lose your freedom in some way, even just your own mental hell, most of us live at some time or another in our personal hell trapped by our own mental hell or a situation that controls us – a wrong relationship or something that makes us a prisoner in our own home.

No matter what you call losing your freedom, it’s one of the things that most of us take so very for granted.  Unless you’ve even been through it, you will never completely understand how lucky you really are to be in the land of the free.  I know it’s impossible to completely understand unless you’ve been in a compromising position, but I can assure you, if you’re walking, talking and making your own choices, day to day,you are very lucky.  So today I had to take a step back, remember the places I’ve been so I can thank God for the place I’m at.  Is it perfect? No, but what does perfect really mean?  Perfect, I guess to me, is my daughter healthy, happy and safe; my family and friends safe and sound, and being able to get up everyday and look in the mirror and love myself.

For the first time maybe ever, I can honestly say, I LOVE ME!  I love the way I look, I love the things I’m doing in my life, and I am proud of my beautiful girl!  She couldn’t have become more of an amazing young lady.  I know she can be proud of the things she’s doing and who she’s become.  To me that’s all I could have ever dreamed of and ask for as a mom.   I’m proud of the things she’s overcome in her life and how well she’s doing in school and the little beauty she is.  What a princess Adam Layman and I created.  I couldn’t be prouder of my angel.

If today was the last day I took a breath I hope that she would know that mommy left knowing she would make it in this crazy world.  The good news is that’s not my story! I plan on spending the rest of our lives together, living beautiful, happy, healthy lives – all of us together.  This is just one chapter in the book of many more chapters to come.

God Bless

Heidi

Faith and Love

A wise woman once told me “We should all walk gently in other people’s shoes, as we never know what anyone else might be going through”. I couldn’t agree more. Some very sad things have happened with a person close to me and I had no idea the affect it would have on me emotionally. Me, being scared for their life, my own mistakes from the past creeping up in my mind and the guilt that comes with that, plus adding in the emotions of others who are hurting near me and I began to emotionally break down. For me personally, ever since I was 14 years old, I have dealt with grief and stress by driving and listening to music. This is just what helps me get my thoughts together, calm down and find balance.   With that being said, engines don’t run on air! So, I found myself out of gas, 2-degree weather and nobody to help. Without the money in the bank to pay to have my car towed to my house, I finally had to give up and say uncle. I agreed to let the tow truck take my car to the impound. So here I was, having to find a ride home and, by the grace of God, got home safe.   That was the most important thing to do. Get home safe! I have Fritz, my roommate and friend’s little dog to feed and make sure he was ok and safe.

Do I regret driving around too long? Yes!   But I am thankful I made it home safe and I will go from here one step at a time. I had the little stub to get my car out and hoped when I got to the impound it would start. With the weather being 2-degrees out the night this happened the engine wouldn’t even turn over after putting a little gas in it. So, I needed to take a few steps to get it back out and of course it cost money – oh well. That’s life.

I’ve learned another valuable lesson of paying attention and remembering no matter what’s going on around me I must make sure and take care of putting (and keeping) the gas in my car and be responsible to prevent something like this from happening again!   I got distracted, was enjoying the drive and it helped clear my mind. But there’s a time to come home and rest. I should have come home earlier – for that I am regretful.

It’s been a tough week for my family and for myself but I’m thankful I have a roof over my head, food in the fridge, my daughter is safe and happy, Fritz is happy, my roommate is enjoying her new nurse contract and we are good!!

Thank you everyone for understanding that it’s been a hard week and I haven’t been myself. Please keep your prayers going and try to do something kind for another. We are here to work together and be there for each other during hard times. I am here for anyone that needs to talk, wants to write an email, or just needs a friend.   I’m so thankful for my family and friends that have always been by my side. Not everyone can always be there for each other on the phone or in person but there’s something to just knowing that they care.

I believe in God, prayer and miracles and I won’t stop! Gods got us and whatever is supposed to be will be. Some of us don’t make the fastest recoveries but that doesn’t mean we can’t make full recoveries! At the end of the day all you can do is the best you can, and trust God will work the rest out. We all make mistakes and we must forgive ourselves when we do.

God Bless

Heidi

Silent Cries

Today,  I’m compelled to talk about something very close to my heart and the main reason five years ago I started writing this blog. Just to catch you up if you haven’t read my about page I was in VA, had just gotten out of the Hospital after a two month stay, on a medication called Depakote. Depakote is an anti-seizure medication and it also treats Bi-Polar. I, having had seizures and going through my own bout with psychiatric diagnosis, etc. did what they told me to do, put in the work and got out and did well. (Mind you, I have been tested on several different medications since my head injury and this was one of many I’ve tried. This time I was there for quite a while and this is what a team of doctors decided what  was best and… I headed out again with success on my mind. Shortly after I was released, I was lying in bed one night and I had this thought! Hold Heidi’s Hand – A place I could help others through my own trials and tribulations by putting my own real time situation out there! we could help each other! I have said this from day one I do believe God put it into my heart that this is what I needed to do!

With that being said, It occurred to me last night that when people say “ask God or go to God” I feel like there’s one thing they are missing. GOD works through people! I believe this with my whole heart! I believe in prayer and I believe it works! We are all united and I really hope that people will start understanding, If you choose to believe in whatever you want to believe in that’s ok with me. But there is one thing you can be sure of LOVE, reaching out a helping hand, listening when someone says they are not ok. Asking them how can I help you? Deciding that for part of your day, let’s say 10 minutes you can do something kind for someone else. Not because they believe what you believe or who you believe in but because it’s the right thing to do!

I can’t tell you how important this is for those struggling with mental illness (which I believe most of us are in some way shape or form!:), important for someone who just needs a hand up, someone who just lost a friend or family member. Can we all try something that would be really awesome decide to stop over analyzing things ourselves included and just be thankful we have air to breath! I promise you for yourself you will feel so much better and others will feel better and we can stop bad situations happen before they start!

I truly have lived through things most should never live through and I am forever grateful. Some my own fault some not, which isn’t the point ever! I lived! I believe people who are hurting on the inside act out with other things because they want to be heard, they want to feel loved and we all do right!

Instead of waiting till it’s too late to give someone a hug or give them a call, why not start reaching out now! It’s simple, put your phones down and open your eyes;). There is light at the end of every tunnel, sometimes you just have to create it!

God Bless!

Heidi

Counting My Blessings

Today, I am again running through my list of all the things I have to be thankful for.  First and foremost I am grateful for God’s love and giving me the most beautiful gift I could ever ask for – my daughter Kaitlyn Morgan!  Through the ups and downs of my life my daughter has been my rock and the reason I strive to be the best mom and person I can be.  Whenever I’m down or not feeling the best I can think of her beautiful smile and it keeps me going.   Out of all the blessings God has given me in my life, she is the best gift I could have ever ask for.

I am counting my blessings for all the love I have from my daughter, my family and my friends.  The one thing I know is I never want to take any of them for granted or forget the lessons I have learned throughout this journey.  I don’t think it’s healthy to dwell on the past, however, I do think it’s healthy to remember the lessons we’ve learned and, in reflecting, it may help us recognize wrong choices we made we don’t ever want to repeat.

I thank God I am here today to be able to say I, too, got another chance in my life to live a life full of love and joy.  So while I am counting my blessings I am making sure I don’t forget the hard work it took to get here and the hard work it will take to live a full happy life.

To those who have stood by my side through thick and thin I am forever grateful!  To my angel Kaitlyn, you are more than I could have ever dreamed or imagined my love!

Today I challenge you to forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the best future you can possibly dream!

God Bless

Visit us at http://www.holdheidishand.com!

Heidi

 

Pray Not Proud

In the world we live in today it’s easy to find ourselves in a place where we want to protect and cling tightly to our family, friends and even things in our life.  Trust me, I get it! The unfortunate part about doing this is you begin to live in fear.  I understand taking the correct precautions to live a safe and healthy life.  For instance, growing up, my dad, being a State Patrolman and cop, gave me the “what for” on walking in lighted areas, not walking down dark alley ways, etc.

My dad spent eight hours teaching me how to shoot a gun properly as he was a rifle instructor for the Wyoming Highway Patrol.  This being said, I don’t walk around with a gun on my hip.  Although I do believe there is a time and place for everything.  Some people do need to carry a gun on their hip depending on the situation.  My point is this –  There are a lot of things going on in this world we can’t control.  We can lock our doors, keep our homes as safe as possible, and protect our families and friends as best we can, but for me, most importantly, I PRAY and trust in God!  I’ve seen many situations turn out good by the Grace of God only.  I, myself, family members of mine and friends have lived through things that should have taken their life.  I do believe in the power of prayer and my faith in God first and foremost.

So as I walk through this week I’ve decided to kick fear in the butt! I choose to believe in good things, have faith in people, even those that I might not agree with and pray for them.  I do dream of a perfect world with everyone getting along, hand in hand, helping one another!  Call me a dreamer, all I can do is do my part to make a difference!

Keep the Faith!
God Bless

“Oh The Places We’ll Go” — Dr. Seuss

The ups and downs of life sometimes can make us want to resort to reading children’s books like Dr Seuss.  I believe we all feel like running and hiding in a hole when life throws us curve balls.  With that being said, remember,  “All things work together for those who love the Lord” (Romans 8:28, Bible).  At the time you or I are going through these trials in our lives we may not see through our own personal perspective what the lesson may be.  Let me give you an example; One day you have to follow a detour and you’re in a hurry to get somewhere, perhaps that detour saved your life.  Although you may be frustrated at the time and want to kick a tree or worse, little do you know God just re-directed you to miss an accident.

The book I referenced in the title of my blog is worth the read!  It’s subject is the ups and downs of life!  I truly believe the things that happen to us in life that we may see as a problem, may in fact be a solution.  If you never experience pain you wouldn’t know what it feels like to feel good etc.

This is where perspective comes into play as I’ve reiterated in previous blogs.  Look at the glass half full instead of the glass half empty!  Life is truly a gift but you must see it as such.  Nobody, no matter how it may look to you, has a perfect life however, we were all created perfect in God’s eyes.  We all sin, we all make mistakes but I believe it’s what we choose to do with those things that makes us magnificent creatures and builds the canvas of who we are!  I say let’s be the difference!  Let’s be the change!  Let’s go the extra mile!  Not for our own selfish reasons but because it’s the right thing to do!

Cheers to living with positive intention even when no body is looking!  I promise you the man upstairs is paying attention!

Check us out at http://www.HoldHeidisHand.com  – five years going strong!

God Bless

Heidi

To Our Journey

I am so excited to be coming up on our five year anniversary at http://www.holdheidishand.com!  My partner and mother, Claudia MacPhee, and I have been through the ups and downs of this journey, hand in hand, for the last five years. I’m proud to say I believe we’ve kept HHH to the intentions of my original plan and kept the integrity and purpose the same as day one!

Through our trials and tribulations this has been an amazing journey and I believe in the next five years we are going to be embarking on  great opportunities! I believe we will  be collaborating with some wonderful charities and becoming an even better resource for those in need. Our goal is to be a trusted “one-stop shop” for everything from finding a good church to attend; or a charity to support; to finding a great group of people to unite with!

I am so thankful today for the partnership I have with my mom and the feedback from our readers thus far.  As I said when we decided to launch HHH, if we can help only one person get through a hard time they are going through with what we are doing then we have done our job!

I am so thankful for our dedicated readers and followers as well.  We have so many exciting things in the works so make sure to stay tuned!

First and foremost I thank GOD for bringing me through to the next chapter of my life! I have so many things to be thankful for it would take a full day to talk about them all!

Please make sure to keep your heads up and keep that positive spirit going!  I promise you, you are making a difference in just being you!

God Bless

Heidi

Let’s Keep it Real!

Do you remember a time when there were no cell phones to instantly call your friends?  A time where you had to pick a spot, name the time and show up?  Where people actually interacted with you face to face, eye to eye!  I personally miss those times so much.  When people actually showed up and were totally present.  So instead of dwelling on a technology, application driven world, I ask myself how can I help change this?

The answer is simple, be an example!  When others see you or me leaving our phones in our pockets and truly engaging in conversations, undistracted by random beeps and dings from our phones, they begin to see the excitement and light you bring to the table.  No robot or application can offer that human spirit and authenticity of just a genuine good interaction with another person!

I believe its so important for us to get back to that grass roots side of us who knows better.  One by one, hand in hand, we can make a difference!  I challenge you to start with simple steps and start putting your phones down.  Important things or not, most things can wait.  What’s more important to you, missing a chance to tell a friend or family member you love them before they head out the door or replying to a text that you have an urge to send RIGHT NOW?

I understand there are many tools and applications that can simplify things for you and I say “go for it”!  But as far as letting a cell phone, application, or an interactive tool rule your life, I personally am going to OPT OUT, no pun intented! Ha!

I’m going to choose to OPT IN to my life and valuing my relationships face to face, eye to eye, hand in hand.  One step at a time I, too, am going to work on putting the phone down, investing my energy and time into building lasting relationships that are built on keeping it real!

Cheers to getting back to the Grass Roots of where we came from!

God Bless

Heidi

Wise As A Serpent, Harmless as A Dove

I truly strive to be many things as I’ve said in previous blogs, one of which reflects the title of today’s blog.  There is a fine line of balance most of us are trying to find.  I believe there are many pieces and parts to truly being in a good healthy balance.  Mentally, physically and spiritually.  My dream would be that all three of those things are in sync.

So as I go through my life with my days getting busier and busier by the minute, it’s that good, steady, healthy balance I am finding and, more importantly, learning how to maintain.  That is my balance in sleep, social things, work, my blog, etc. Jesus told his disciples to be “as wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove” – in the quest for overall wholeness in my life,  I truly want to find that balance as well.  I want to be assertive, yet kind.  Passionate, yet not abrasive.  This is where I believe trusting in your heart and following that little voice inside of us is key.  There’s a fine line, but finding your true balance in day-to-day stress;  the overall well-being of yourself, physically and mentally, while truly caring for others is the goal, but, let me warn you, it all takes work!

As I continue my journey to my best self, every step I take now, I try to make sure these things are in harmony and it is working!  For me, personally, I like to pray before making big or small decisions and I do find the answers I am looking for.  “To Thine Own Self Be True” was always one of my favorite quotes by William Shakespeare and still is. My take on Shakespeare’s famous words is making sure you are okay before giving too much of yourself to too many things.  It can be dificult to find that sweet spot, but I promise you if you take a step back, take a deep breath and give yourself a break you will be able to make better decisions, sleep better, and, in turn, be a overall healthier individual, inside and out!

Cheers to having whole lives!

God Bless

Heidi

Peace & Understanding

I’ve been asked the question on different occasions what does Hold Heidi’s Hand mean exactly?  If you haven’t taken the time to  get on my website and read why I decided to start the website nearly five years ago & you have been visiting just the blog site, I will explain.   I was at a place in my life, just getting out of a two month stay in a hospital in Virginia and I prayed about how I could possibly take where I was at in my life and somehow be able to use my experiences to help others so they didn’t have to go through such a struggle – this meant I was going to allow myself to be completly vulnerable and expose the truths in my own life about what I was going through in real time.

Needless to say, I had a picture in my mind of a group of people holding hands together, helping each other through the rocky spots, smiling and nobody was fallen down.  This is ultimately my goal with my website and for my partner and mom Claudia MacPhee – to help anyone with whatever challenges they may have facing them.  We will be those people you can reach out to and help as best we can to offer timely information and help direct you to the resources that may help you.  We are here to write inspirational words to encourage you as you go through your day and root you on!  My dream is help as many people as we can link up and, hand to hand, help one another with all different types of needs.

So the next time you are out and about I encourage you to start with a simple act of kindness to someone else and watch the shift you see in the world around you.  Even the smallest things, like opening a door for someone or letting them have the closer parking spot – little things like that.  It’s funny, everyone keeps looking for the big secret to reaching people but most people are truly just searching to be loved, appreciated and noticed.  So what’s the harm in passing along a nice little gesture.  One by one, hand in hand, we can and are making a difference.

Through my faith in God, my belief in being kind and understanding of others, no matter what they are going through, without judgement, I believe we are making a change and even if we help one person what we are doing is worth it!

Thank you for taking the time to read my blogs – so many more great things to come!

God Bless
Heidi