When your brain is finally ready to let you get up on your feet and fight!

Happy Halloween!

What a beautiful day with the leaves fallen all over the ground – my hike this morning was un real!  As I was walking through the trees and the leaves I felt like I was in some magical world.  The fresh air on my face and knowing I’m alive and well is a feeling that can’t be beat!  I finally feel like the girl who loved and enjoyed every little thing God put on this earth for me again.  On my hike I went through trails with creeks and hills filled with leaves with all colors, it was breath-taking!

So it hit me the other night – I want to make it clear to those of you visiting my blogs, when I say I got the medical help I needed it isn’t a pill that fixed me.  I personally have a real hard time believing a pill can solve all of someone’s problems.  With that being said, I understand sometimes people do need medicine to use as one of the tools to handle their own personal issues or use medicine as a bridge to get through temporarily .  For me personally, yes, something had to change drastically – whatever I was doing wasn’t working.   I needed to talk to doctors to make sure my brain was ok,  I needed the love of my mother, a break from chaos, and a chance to rest and find myself again.  I needed to be stopped in my tracks to regroup, look in the mirror, and stop the pain and fear that was eating me alive, literally.  I found the places I went got me the counseling and help to understand my issues from a different perspective.  The thing that most people haven’t understood with me is your brain doesn’t just heal in a few weeks or months like a broken bone. It takes years; sometimes never.  Thank God, I am one of few with a traumatic brain injury that can say years.   I can’t tell you how many times I tried to convince myself I was healed when I knew in my heart I wasn’t.  One of the hardest things is knowing you can stand up but your head just isn’t there with your feet yet.  And even worse the harder you push to prove you’re ok your brain struggles even more to keep up.  I feel like today my head, heart and feet are all finally in line! Thank God!  Oh and just to be clear, GOD is my ultimate healer not a doctor.  Just saying… take that for what it is.  I know because I’m here and I’m alive to talk about it.

Have a safe and blessed day!

God Bless!

Heidi

She believed she could so she did!

Good morning!  I’ve started the day as I do with my morning coffee and prayers.  The first thing I like to do in the morning is wake up and say “God I’m grateful for this that and the other”.  For example, “I’m thankful I have two legs to get out of bed, I have a beautiful healthy daughter who is amazing, I have a great family and life long friends”.  If you haven’t read a book called the Secret I highly recommend it.  It is a wonderful book about positive energy and what you put out in the universe is what you get back.  To me, it’s all about perspective.  Perspective is 360 Degrees, in each situation you truly can see a bright side to them even if they were not exactly what you expected or wanted to happen.  I feel like personally what’s happened to me was God putting me in places where I could see a different side to life.  People that needed me, I could give them hope, just as they humbled me and gave me hope.  I know this, It’s through the tuff times that you really figure out your own personal strength of character and what you’re made of, so to speak.  If life was always perfect you wouldn’t understand the difference and when it’s time to say THANK GOD I’m ok.

Today is going to be a wonderful day! As I continue on my journey to all that God has in store for me.   To all my friends, family, and visitors of my site (which I’m happy to say the numbers are going up daily) have a blessed day and keep holding on tight!

God Bless,

Heidi

A brighter candle to burn..

I was on a short trip the last few days to Washington DC for work stuff.  As I was riding in the truck back from DC, an analogy to my life and candles came to me.  I thought of the relation between our lives when they’re broken and all hope seems to be gone, to a candle burnt down to the wick.  It’s pretty much the same concept.  If you continue to burn the candle it will go out and be gone melted away to nothing.  If you decide to rebuild the candle it can be saved.  It’s like saying, yes, I’m broken but I have a choice to rebuild, pick myself up off the ground like putting a wick back into the wax and forming a new candle.  The candle might be different but there’s a good chance it will burn brighter:)

God Bless!

Heidi

The truth will make us free!

If nothing else the truth does ultimately set us free.  Yes there will always be people who pass judgement and we all can relate but you will never truly find inner peace until you are ok with who you are.  Was it difficult to admit I have not been so perfect myself the last few years?  Of course it was! But let me tell you how freeing it was to say “this is what happened, here It is, and that’s that!”.

With that being said, lets focus on moving forward and the success of even the simplest thing as taking a breath or walking.  Literally when you learn to not take anything for granted, you appreciate the little things in life, you will begin to start being ok with yourself more and more.  I think this actually starts with true Forgiveness also.  Truly forgiving yourself first is a big step.  The past is the past, you can’t change it nor can you keep beating yourself up about it.  The only thing that worrying or stressing yourself out about the past failures does is rob you of present and future happiness.

Lets rock and roll on to how I am going to change the direction of my life.  Well, honestly a big step was admitting to myself first, and then to all my loved ones, what’s been going on and where my life is at for those who didn’t know.  The best part of that was there’s no more pretending or hiding from the fear of shame or embarrassment.  I put it out there to show I’m no longer afraid to face the past but I am ready to kick it in the tail and send it packing!  Instead of running from the pain I am choosing to embrace it and turn it into good or else everything I’ve been through would be worthless lessons.

So, Sunday was a big deal for my mom and I.  We not only got to talk to my daughter Kaitlyn, we decided to pull the trigger on Hold Heidi’s Hand.com and commit to our project.  By the way, I’m looking into furthering my education into counseling and life coaching to sharpen my skill set any way I can to help others and myself in my journey.  I’ve also started writing a book about the events I spoke of.  It will be a look into the mental health system, our government systems, PTSD and Bipolar and hopefully shine light onto these critical subjects.

That’s it for today, God bless!

Heidi

The Day of Rest

Happy Sunday!  God is good to me! Easy day – I’m at my moms working on my site testing my blog functionality out.  Stay tuned! Heidi

The Beginning…

Good afternoon! Today is the first blog entry on my site and as intimidated as I am, I’m excited for a new direction into my future!

Through holding God’s hand, I believe this site is going to be a big success in helping others who struggle with everyday things just as I do. I’m in Virginia now and have finally started on a really good path to recovery after a long fight from some hard years. I ended up selling my house in Colorado and coming out to Virginia to really get the help I needed to go on and be the best person I can be. Not only for myself but for my beautiful daughter and family who never stopped believing in me. I’ve been through some very tough things in this journey called life, but thanks to God and those who stood by my side, I’m alive to tell about it!

This site is dedicated to any and everyone who have the same issues I had or different issues that seem to be holding them back from their best life. It’s dedicated to those who, like me, needed someone to take my hand and hold on tight before I slipped away forever… and then continued to hold my hand until I could finally stand again on my own. Having been blessed with the chance to live a true, happy life, my mission, as I continue on that path, is to help others by sharing my struggles and victories and giving that encouragement to those who contact me through this site.