Believe you will receive!

I truly feel one of the hardest parts of life is learning to believe in the unknown; when you finally reach a point where you can visualize your dreams happening, and truly see them manifest, this is when you will have a break through.  Worrying and stressing about things instead of letting go and believing only hinders your progress and holds you back.  I am speaking for myself in this as I am vey analytical and if I can’t physically see something happening ,or have tangible proof, it’s hard for me to believe in it.  I find myself at times overthinking things and over analyzing them until I stress myself out and then I let those self defeating thoughts in.  I’m working daily on my faith in God and believing in my dreams no matter what it looks like.

So many times we hear about people that have accomplished extraordinary things and the one thing they all have in common  is the fact that they believed.  Some people call it the power of positive energy, some call it God, some call it coincidence.  No matter what you want to call it, there is one factor that remains the same: the belief in whatever it is before it happens.  I truly feel like when you doubt and have fear, which I struggle with daily, you are putting the brakes on whatever you are trying to achieve.  The times in my life that I had the most success I didn’t overthink it, I believed in myself without a doubt and zero fear, and that’s when it happened!  I personally can overthink things to death instead of just doing what I know to do and believing in the results!

Today I find myself struggling with this more than usual so I’m choosing to work on myself, my mindfulness, and stop doubting the inevitable.  I’m doing everything I know to do from diet and exercise to prayer and faith.  I, too, must remember to focus on the end results, the goal and not get caught in the storm!  I must see past the storm and visualize the goal, stay focused and not let anything hold me back!

“I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me”!

God Bless

Heidi

www.holdheidishand.com

Trust your instincts!

Often times we go along with situations when in our hearts we know we should have listened and followed our instincts.  Usually when this happens we look back and think to ourselves “I knew this was wrong”.  We should truly take these small lessons and remember, again, that if we have a bad feeling about something, it’s important to listen to our own instincts.  I personally believe that the sense of knowing is the spirit inside directing us in the direction we need to go.  When we ignore our own internal direction it almost always ends bad and we look back with regret and wish we would have followed and trusted ourselves.

As I’ve said so many times you have to be true to yourself.  This goes along with the decisions we make in doing what is best for us.  If your heart is telling you not to do something, or to do something, there’s a reason.  Being true to you means you must trust your heart and know that God will lead you in the best direction but it’s up to you to listen.  That’s the part that most people don’t understand.  God will not force you to do anything.  We as humans were given free will and what we do with it is up to us.  So many times people blame God for the tragic outcomes of certain events when really he lets us make our own choices.  Yes, he will give you the direction in your heart but if you choose to ignore those feelings, you will be responsible for the outcome.

So, as you walk each step in your life remember to not follow the voice of a stranger.  Follow your heart, listen to your instincts and base your choices on trust and faith in yourself.  In the end you will be a lot happier with yourself as you will know no matter what the outcome, you did what was best for you and trusted your instincts.  You are the only one who knows what is best for you.   You can’t expect anyone else to make your choices for you as you are the one who is in charge of you.  Just as I’ve said before most people (even if it’s yourself) who are pushing you to do something and you feel in your heart it is not the best decision for you,  are usually doing it for their  benefit not yours.  You are capable of leading your own life to the fullest and you ultimately only answer to yourself and God.  With that being said, you do not owe it to anyone else to do what they expect of you unless your heart is telling you it’s right.

Have faith in yourself and listen up because you know the answers you seek – you just need to trust and follow them!

God Bless

Heidi

www.holdheidishand.com

Never quit!

Sometimes the road to our goals seems long and unknown and we at times wonder if we will ever get there!  I get up everyday, workout and fight day after day to reach my goals and even I have to regroup, change my attitude and realize I will get there.  When you work so hard you wish things would happen faster but unfortunately (and fortunately)  that’s the growing part.  I’ve come to the conclusion that as long as I keep going and never quit I will get there.  I know this for a fact as I’ve set out to achieve many things in my life and one day you finally get there and look back… and you made it!  Today is day twenty nine of the Body For Life Challenge and I feel stronger and can run further – yet I still struggle with wanting to be where I want to be NOW.  That’s a lesson I’m learning in my life; to keep on going no matter what it looks like and never quit.  I’ve come so far that I guess maybe that’s what it is, you fight so hard to get where you want to be and when you’re just about there you begin to feel like you will never make it.  That’s that side of this world that tries to get you to quit and give up.  Well, I refuse to give up or let self-defeating thoughts rule my life.  I made a promise to myself that, no matter what, I will keep going and break through the barriers that try to hold me back!

I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned on my journey to recovery is patience and faith.  Faith in God, faith in myself again, and patience, that with healthy choices and hard work, anything’s possible; but also learning true and lasting change is not achieved overnight or by a “quick fix” – almost always, true recovery is also a journey to help teach you where the pitfalls were that hurt you in the first place!  Don’t let your mind stop you from achieving all that you set out to do.  Remember you are strong and you can do anything you put your mind too.  The moments when you are so close to finally achieving whatever it is you set out to do are the moments you have to hold on tighter than ever and give it your all.  I have put myself in a mindset of never quitting and never giving up! I will fight as hard as I have to fight to continue this path of feeling good, looking good, and doing right!

God is good and I know no matter what it looks like, I can and will get where I want to go in this life!

God Bless

Heidi

www.holdheidishand.com

Back to life!

As the days pass and I continue to move in a healthy happy direction I’m reminded of what this life is all about!  I’m now twenty six days into my program and going strong!  The peace it brings me to have things in order, to be sticking to my goals and accomplishing something for myself again is amazing! Starting my days with a healthy workout, good nutrition, water and rest truly is the cure for whatever you’re dealing with, I believe.  I personally would rather know that my hard work and effort got me where I’m going and  not some pill.  I know now I’m capable of healing and going on despite any of the previous circumstances.  With good choices and changing my life, the doors that have opened and the relationships I’ve rekindled are priceless.  I feel good!  I feel confident and I know I’m capable of achieving anything I put my mind to!

So as I wake up from what seemed to be a never ending nightmare I am reminded of the journey it took to get here.  Oh and I’m not done either!  I have so many plans and dreams to live out and now I can honestly see them happening.  It’s time to get back to life and happiness, joys of the mere existence of being alive and well!  I’m proud of me and I know each and every day I put on my running shoes and do what I set out to do I’m that much closer to being the best I can be.

Remember we only get one shot at this life and it’s never too late to change no matter who you are!  Trust God, fight the good fight, and make a choice to live each day to the fullest!

God Bless

Heidi

www.holdheidishand.com

Doing what’s best for you!

Many times we are caught in the middle of doing what is best for others instead of doing what’s best for ourselves.  The beautiful thing about doing what is best for ourselves is it has a domino effect as we are more content in our lives and, in turn, our children and families are more content.  When you try to please people and put yourself behind everyone else, not only is it unhealthy, but the resentment that follows isn’t worth it.  When you fail to respect and love yourself enough to do what’s best for you, you end up feeling like you let yourself down, you do things you don’t want to do, and again, you are left with regrets and feelings of let down. 

There really is a power in learning how to say “No”.  I will admit I still struggle with this as I don’t like to disappoint people and I do like to make people happy.  However, I’ve learned when I do stand up and say no I feel empowered.  Are you ever going to make everyone happy, no way!  I promise you, no matter how much you try to, it will never happen.  So why not make your most important person happy, you! And decide to base your decisions on what’s best for you.  When you become assertive and start having your own back so to speak, you will be far less likely to feel resentment, guilt and regret because you owe it to yourself to take care of you!

Unfortunately, we live in a world full of manipulative and pushy people who, maybe even with the best of intentions, don’t like being told no.  For me, this has tripped me up so many times.  I start out by saying no, I have to take care of  me… and get my arm twisted till I give in.  Then, not only do I resent them for pushing me into something I didn’t want to do,  I feel down on myself for not holding up to my own choice and doing what’s best for me.  It’s a vicious cycle and can lead to major resentment and harsh feelings.  We all have those “friends” that we can almost guarantee, no matter what we say, will push and push until we feel conned into doing whatever it is they want us to do.  NO MORE!  I’m tired of being manipulated and pushed and backed into a corner.  Honestly, the people that do this really don’t have respect for our feelings and maybe it’s best to avoid them.  Especially if you’re like me and have a hard time sticking to your guns!  Good friends will accept your word when you say “I need to do what’s best for me”.  How can anyone argue with that unless they are selfish and manipulative. 

Practice saying No more often and taking care of you! You deserve it!

God Bless

Heidi

http://www.holdheidishand.com

 

Find that fighter again!

Do you ever look back at your life and wish you could get back to that fighter you once were before the world turned upside down on you?  I look back at life before the hurt and fear took over and the accomplishments of the past and I’m blown away.  I strive every day to reach deep inside and get that girl back!  The girl who wasn’t afraid to take a chance, the girl that could do anything I put my mind to.  So today I’m deciding to dig deep and find her again.  I’m striving to let go of the hurt and the things that happened that made me skeptical and guarded.  The things that never worried me before sometimes set in and I am forced to work hard on combating those thoughts and feelings.  It’s like the road you always loved to take and something happens on the way and all the sudden you take another way.  It’s hard to go back and decide to face that old road despite the damage that might have been done.  Sometimes we let the circumstances change us instead of realizing we can go on and keep the fight going no matter what we’ve been through.

Today  I remember how it felt when I was a child and wasn’t afraid to turn the page.  Before life happened and those wounds were placed in my heart.  I’m beginning to trust again and most importantly, to trust myself.  The world will take a toll on you, but it’s what you choose to do with it that matters most.  Instead of walking a different direction and letting the things you love in your life go, remember to get back up and keep on keeping on.  Yes we’ve all been hurt, yes we’ve all fallen, but that doesn’t mean that’s all there is.  You can get back to yourself before the destruction started defining which way you turn and how you hold back.  It’s time to kick fear out and let joy back in.  Forgive, forget, let go and live again!  That’s my plan!

God Bless

Heidi

www.holdheidishand.com

Peace in being content!

We all search for happiness in our lives; I’ve come to find that being content is a blessing and once you can find contentment in life, you will find happiness.  Being content in any situation takes time and is a process but you can get there.  I’ve been in some very interesting places and positions in my life, and the one thing I’ve found is when you decide that there is a reason for every step in your life, you can deal with whatever situation comes your way.  True peace I believe comes from within and until you are ok in yourself you can’t expect anything to really make you happy.  It is a process of letting go of the fear and anxiety that can eat you up inside.  Once you get to a place where you feel ok in your heart and can walk out your day no matter what, you will feel a sense of peace.  The battle truly is in the mind and ultimately, things will never make you happy.  Happiness comes from within – no matter how bad it may seem, we all have something to be thankful and happy about.

I believe it is a matter of perspective and a matter of choice.  Yes, we all can find things to focus on that aren’t how we wanted them to go or aren’t what we expected, the past, the present, the losses, the regrets but this is just a waste of time.  You cannot change yesterday nor can you get a redo in this life.  The only thing you have is the moment you are given and it is up to you what you choose to focus on.  Instead of focusing on the bad you must make a conscious effort to focus on the blessings and the positive side of life.  Once you figure out how to be grateful no matter what you are going through you will squash those thoughts of hurt and negativity.

Instead of striving for complete happiness, try to just accept being content with where you are and the moment you are in.  This is not an easy skill to master as we are faced with different issues all the time.  Try to live in the moment, taking things on as they come instead of letting your mind wander into the past or the future.  Embrace the moment, cherish the moment and focus on the joy of being ok.

God Bless

Heidi

www.holdheidishand.com

The power of love!

There’s something so powerful in the love we find in family and friends and the love we give to one another.  If it wasn’t for that love, I’m not sure if I would have made it.  Love is something we should never take for granted and, as I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned to let the small things go and focus on what truly matters.  It is so much more important to me to have good relationships with my family than to ever let anything come between us.  Holding grudges and choosing to hold onto past hurts, true or perceived, is just not worth it to me!  We are not promised tomorrow and I am so thankful for my family; that we have grown closer than ever and we are all doing well.

I’ve prayed for this for many years, to have the restoration in my life as well as my family and to have the friendships we once had back.  I’m so blessed and thankful to now have the opportunity to have  a wonderful relationship with my family!  I’ve made many mistakes in the past and  I used to be so angry over things I now don’t even understand and I know, sometimes,  I took  my loved ones for granted.  Those days are over.  I cherish my friendships and relationships more than ever and I will never go back to the way I once was – “why?” someone might ask, and how can I be sure I’ll never go back – because I am making a choice. And I’m going to continue to make that choice everyday, by God’s grace.  I now know that I can’t choose what someone else might do or say, but I can choose what I do.

My family standing by my side and never giving up on me is one of the biggest blessings in my life.  Second chances don’t always come around and I am so thankful God has given me the chance to rekindle the relationships we have.  Sometimes all it takes to help someone is just holding on, giving our love and never giving up.  That was the purpose of me starting Hold Heidi’s Hand, to let those who don’t have the luxury of family and friends have someone there to hold their hand until they can stand on their own.  I’m happy to say that, even though I’m still healing and growing in myself, I’ve been able to help many people through the dark times in their lives and be a support system to help them get back up.  In the end, I can’t imagine anything more blessed and rewarding than having the opportunity to reach out my hand and let someone know they are not alone and somebody cares even when they feel they have no one.

No matter what anyone might say, everyone needs someone to lean on and hold their hand at some point in their  life. Why not be that someone that will reach out and help someone else up.  It is such a great feeling to know that you may have saved someone else’s life just by reaching out your hand and lifting them up.  Don’t ever forget the power in our love and compassion for one another and the importance of us all holding onto each other until we are all ok.  Who knows? In the end, the life you save may be your own…

God Bless

Heidi

www.holdheidishand.com

Be ok being with you!

I’ve come to realize that the people-pleasing fast paced person I used to be, who loved to stay busy every second of the day, was so lost and never really understood the importance of time with myself and God.  I ran so fast all the time I didn’t have time to ever really take a good look in the mirror and realize how to be ok alone.  From bad relationships to never giving myself time to think, I was living in the chaos and destruction of a fast paced world with no pause or stop button.  There were so many ways to distract myself from the things that truly mattered like prayer and time to process the reality of life.  When I finally came to a stop I was faced with all the feelings, emotions, sorrows, joys that I had been running from for years.  The thought of actually spending time by myself and my own thoughts truly freaked me out.  The minute I woke up I would be ready to run as fast as I could to the next thing or place to go to avoid ever really being in the presence of my own peace.  Honestly, this is still something I have to work on daily as I have a tendency to go, go, go.  But finally, I’m finding the peace in knowing I am ok without anyone but myself and God.  This has been a growing experience for me in realizing you have to be ok with you in order to be ok in general.

So I look at this time in my life as an intercession to my future.  God has a way of stopping you in your tracks when you will not just decide to slow down, put down the distractions and listen.  I’m nearing the end of my venture to Virginia with only a few months before I get back to my beautiful daughter, family and friends,  and what I’ve taken from this experience I will never forget.  From literally being hospitalized to learning to live with the presence of myself and the realities I’ve had to face.  The healing, the time I’ve spent with my mom and step-dad, I will cherish forever.  This time facing myself, changing and growing is a chance some never get.  I’ve been blessed to have a second chance and really get everything back I’ve lost and then some.  Based on my decision to change the direction of my life, grow as a person and make the life changing decision to choose life not death I’m more blessed than I could ever imagine.

It’s amazing how when you turn your life around, face yourself and decide to make serious changes in yourself how different the outcome can really be! God Bless!

Heidi

www.holdheidishand.com

Have fun being you!!

It’s about time we all remember who we are and where we came from and all that made us the people we are today!  I am smiling thinking of many friends from Wyoming and the fun times we had before life really happened and the good times were rolling!  Those were the times before there was a diagnosis for every issue we may have; anxiety, depression  and all the other names we have now for every time we have a bad day;  back then, we just LIVED! Trust me, I’m not making light of these issues as I’ve been through and diagnosed with most of them at one point or another in the past couple of years – I’m just saying maybe if we stopped being diagnosed or told we are plagued with some issue and realize that every day can’t be a red letter day,  but every day we’re alive and have a few good friends and family, we really are blessed!  Maybe then we could learn to be okay by  just being  who we are.

All of my Wyoming friends who know me know I was a care-free-lets-ride type of girl.  Always down to get together and do whatever, from flying down a back road to jumping in the lake!  Man, I miss those days!  So as I throw on my jeans and baseball cap, today I’m reminded of how fun it really is just to be me!! My country music is jamming, I’m 17 days into my Body For Life Challenge and feeling amazing, honestly!  I miss the days of just living life and enjoying the sunshine!  The weather here is beautiful the only thing missing is my daughter and all my great friends!!!

So since we all are so far away from each other, I’m taking today to laugh, remember the good times and be thankful for those of us who are still here and doing well.  For those who are gone or aren’t doing so well, you’re always in my prayers and remember you can celebrate life no matter where you are!! Today I’m celebrating the joy of just being alive!!

God Bless

Heidi

www.holdheidishand.com